So now, the million dollar question: what do we really want? If we don't what we want, how do we expect to ever get it? Many of us have vague ideas of what we want, but never solidify it in our minds and take methodical action towards its attainment. Why? Perhaps it's not feeling worthy enough, the fear of failure or maybe the fear that when we do get it, we will feel unfulfilled.
As for me, I was always baffled at the reason why I would be on my way to achieving success on a particular project, but manage to lose the momentum, revenue, resources and relationships necessary to continue. I would build marketing teams and establish clientele bases, only to have it almost completely dissolve just as quickly. This would repeat itself for years. It was so frustrating. I was so close to giving up so many times. Now, I'm glad I didn't. I see why I went through all those experiences.
It was to lead me to this moment in my life. In my last blog, I spoke about a book, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind. I'm very certain that if I came across this book any sooner than I did, I probably would have passed it on the shelf. It was all my trails and tribulations that helped me to understand the contents in this read. I was searching for answers, and could identify with the situations and thought processes addressed.
All in all, for the first time, I began to open my eyes to everything I have ever done: my choice of relationships, my money decisions, my emotions, etc. I began to take inventory and noticed a common theme: opposites in conflict and I was caught in the middle.
On a conscious level, I've always wanted to make massive amounts of money, and to be in a healthy relationship. I've always wanted to travel the world and to take care of my mom. What I realize now is that on a subconscious level, it might quite well be the contrary. I'm now aware that my mind was programmed with mixed feelings about happiness, success, abundance, money and relationships.
The proof was too obvious. Although I wanted my business to thrive, I made bad decisions with my money and with my interactions with people. As a result, I would consistently lose both. I've always wanted to be in a wonderful relationship, but made choices that were the opposite. Who would want a money draining, drama queen that monopolizes all your time? I did...unconsciously.
You see, growing up, my parents had a tense relationship. They would tell me that even though they constantly argued about money, that we were at least good people. Pardon me, but what the fuck is that suppose to mean? What correlation is there between having money and being a good or bad person? While sure, one could point out numerous examples of those who are wealthy because they are good people, but that's not what I'm getting at.
That particular statement means that people that struggle with money are good people, while people with money are the evil ones that make the good struggle (e.g. bosses, owners of credit card companies, etc.). I realize now that my parents were programmed to live in lack of relationships, money, abundance and happiness. Also, it comes to no surprise that my parents eventually bitterly separated and haven't spoken to each other for a decade. They weren't intentionally trying to feed me that type of subconscious programming. They didn't even know what they were saying!
Now, I love my parents. I know they didn't mean any harm. It just gives me great relief to know that I am now aware of the reason I am where I am. Provided, yes, I am appreciative of all the good that is currently in my life. However, heaven forbid I go through another ten years of doing what I was doing, only to get what I'm getting, which is nowhere near where I want to be! I can actually FIX the crazy cycle that kept me wanting to throw in the towel, time and time again!
This book was recommended to me at the right place, the right time and from the right person. That's why I believe there are no accidents on the road of life. I am commited to change my subconscious programming and demand of myself to make my life an adventure in achievement. Obviously, this won't happen overnight. I understand this will take time. However, I feel that in the end, even if it takes me years, I know that the effort will result in a shortcut toward where I want to go and who I want to become.
