Bark @ The Full Moon

"What if my whole life has been wrong?" - Ivan Ilyich

The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Leo Tolstoy

While I don't know too much about what the Full Moon does to our energies, especially today, I've come to notice a lot of introspection much more than I've ever done before.  During this time, I've gained some closure for things that had not concluded in my mind.  I didn't even know they were open ended until these last few days.  Sure, having things open can be a good thing.  It allows for possibilities that can be explored for the benefit for all those concerned.  This wasn't the case for what I decided to close the chapter on.  

Certain relationships, I've resolved, no longer serve the purpose they once did, and thus could prove toxic to continue.  Who I speak with and interact with, for however often I wish, and for whatever extended period of time I wish, is entirely up to me.  

Some may call this selfish or self-centered.  Though they could be right, let's ask ourselves this, who do we ultimately live for?  And for that matter, what is more important than how we feel?  We can spend our whole life saying we live for the betterment of humanity, and yet feel resentful deep down when we don't feel compensated for our bullshit nobility; the voluntary sacrifice that comes as a distraction from just plain taking responsibility for our own thoughts and actions.  

So, in a nutshell, I've placed that mirror in front of my face, and looked deep into my eyes and saw just what I needed to see.  Some of it was really uncomfortable and some of it was surprisingly reassuring.  When moving on to the next chapter in our lives, it's actually good to feel a bit scared.  If not, then life would cease to be that adventure in achievement, right?  May everyone who reads this discover their joy, despite struggling with what is in one's journey; be it depression, anxiety, financial, relationships, etc.  It's all meant to be.  Hard to believe, I know.  I still wrestle with that quite often.  In short, we cannot get this life wrong.

Here's to a new chapter.

AMOR FATI

Thank you and good night.